The joy and the jealousy
You find out where the jealousy sits while nothing has happened yet.
Why it works
Jealousy is hard to have an opinion about in advance, because nobody knows how it feels until it arrives. A sequence told out loud gives a fairly good idea, and it costs nothing. Both of you taking both roles is not a courtesy. Hearing it and saying it are two different things.
How to do it
- 01
First evening: one of you describes out loud a sequence in which the other is with someone else, who it is, where it happens, what gets said afterwards. The one listening says as it goes where in the body it registers, and whether it is hot or cold.
- 02
Swap roles the same evening. Hearing it and saying it are not the same thing, and you need both before you know anything.
- 03
Second evening, a week later: each name one thing that stayed with you, and one thing that turned out to weigh nothing. Only then is it worth talking about whether anything should happen.
What usually goes wrong
The one listening answers along the way and tries to reassure. Leave that. The other mistake is drawing conclusions the same evening. Jealousy often arrives two days late, and it hits the one who was most enthusiastic on Friday just as readily.
Jealousy often arrives two days late, and it lands just as readily on whoever was keenest on the Friday. Nobody contacts anybody between the two evenings, and waking the other one is allowed if it gets to be too much.
More in the same direction
- Medium · An evening, and a week after it
The third name
You talk about a third person. Nothing happens.
- Advanced · Two hours, and fifteen minutes a month
Written down
Your agreements on paper, so they cannot be misremembered.
- Advanced · Two evenings and three months
The trial period
An open arrangement with an end date, not a door simply left ajar.
What you both want.
Twenty questions, answered separately. You see only what you both said yes to.
Take the questionnaireFor adults over 18 only. Intended for two adults in a consenting relationship.