The third name
You talk about a third person. Nothing happens.
Why it works
The dangerous thing about a thought of a third person is not the thought. It is that it lives with only one of you. Said out loud, with it settled that nothing is going to happen, it becomes something you can both handle. Most couples find that the appealing part and the uncomfortable part sit very close together.
How to do it
- 01
Agree beforehand and out loud that nobody contacts anybody, and that nothing happens in the week that follows. That is the whole premise.
- 02
Each say what is appealing about the thought, and what is unpleasant about it. Both halves have to be said. Whoever says only one has not answered.
- 03
Agree on one thing you could not live with, and say it out loud. That is the one worth remembering.
What usually goes wrong
Whoever tells it tends to skip the uncomfortable half so as not to worry the other, and then the conversation is worthless. The second mistake is skipping the week afterwards. What felt easy on Friday rarely feels the same on Thursday, and Thursday is the one that counts.
Return to it after a week. What felt harmless on a Friday evening can look different by Thursday, and the other way round.
What has actually been measured about it is sourced in the encyclopedia of sex facts.
More in the same direction
- Medium · Half an hour
The agreement first
The half hour that makes the rest possible.
- Beginner · One hour
The question hour
An evening where you only talk. Nothing has to follow.
- Beginner · Twenty minutes, and a week
The good no
You settle what a no sounds like, so that saying one costs nothing.
What you both want.
Twenty questions, answered separately. You see only what you both said yes to.
Take the questionnaireFor adults over 18 only. Intended for two adults in a consenting relationship.