The agreement first
The half hour that makes the rest possible.
Why it works
Half an hour with paper and a pencil sounds like the dullest thing on the list, and it is the part that decides the rest. Written separately, the lists come out more honest than they do in a conversation where one of you hears what the other is hoping for. One item each is plenty for one evening.
How to do it
- 01
Each write down three things you want and one you do not. Swap the notes.
- 02
Pick one item from each other’s list. Only one.
- 03
Agree the stop word, and what happens afterwards: who fetches water, who stays lying down.
What usually goes wrong
What is missing most often is the aftercare, meaning what happens when it is over. Write it as an item, not as a feeling. Do not pick the hardest thing on the list the first time either. That can wait until you know how you work with this way of agreeing.
Aftercare is not the end of the scene. It is part of it, and it gets planned the same way.
More in the same direction
- Medium · One hour
The blindfold hour
One of you sees nothing for an hour and does not have to guess what is coming.
- Medium · One hour
The long tease
Everything that usually goes quickly, done at half the speed.
- Beginner · One hour
The question hour
An evening where you only talk. Nothing has to follow.
What you both want.
Twenty questions, answered separately. You see only what you both said yes to.
Take the questionnaireFor adults over 18 only. Intended for two adults in a consenting relationship.