The good no
You settle what a no sounds like, so that saying one costs nothing.
Why it works
A no costs something when it sounds like a verdict on the whole evening or on the person who asked. Two sentences, agreed in advance, make it cheap to say, and when a no is cheap a yes is worth more. That is the whole trade.
How to do it
- 01
Agree on two sentences: one that means not tonight, and one that means not right now, but stay. Use your own words, not these.
- 02
Agree what the one who gets the no says back. One word is enough, and it has to be the same word every time.
- 03
Use them in the coming week, including when the answer is yes, otherwise the sentence only ever gets said on the bad evenings.
What usually goes wrong
The sentences only get used on the bad evenings, which turns them into a warning sign of their own. Use them when the answer is yes as well. And the one who gets a no should not explain it away afterwards, because then the person who said it has been handed a bill anyway.
Whoever was turned down does not get to explain their way out of it afterwards. If there is something larger to discuss, take it at a moment when neither of you has just been told no.
More in the same direction
- Beginner · One hour
The question hour
An evening where you only talk. Nothing has to follow.
- Beginner · Two hours
The long evening
An evening with nowhere to get to, bed included.
- Beginner · Twenty minutes
Say it out loud
Three sentences, said aloud, that otherwise never get said.
What you both want.
Twenty questions, answered separately. You see only what you both said yes to.
Take the questionnaireFor adults over 18 only. Intended for two adults in a consenting relationship.