Someone of your own sex
One fantasy said out loud, without it having to mean anything about the two of you.
Why it works
A fantasy never said out loud grows larger than it is. Said in the present tense, with it settled that it is not a message about anybody, it turns out roughly as big as it actually is. Five minutes is enough. It is not the length that makes it hard.
How to do it
- 01
Agree first on the thing that makes the rest possible: what gets told is not an announcement about who either of you is, or about what you are going to do. It is a fantasy, and it stays one.
- 02
Whoever tells it takes five minutes and tells it in the present tense: where it happens, who does what, which moment is the best one. The other may only ask for more detail, never for why.
- 03
Afterwards the listener names one thing that was good to hear. One, and only something good.
What usually goes wrong
The listener asks the question they really want answered, and asks it while the other is still in the middle. Wait. If the question of whether somebody would rather have someone else is still sitting there afterwards, ask it the next day and ask it plainly. It does not get smaller by being left alone.
It is rarely the fantasy that hurts afterwards, it is the question that never got asked. If “does this mean you would rather have someone else” is still sitting there, ask it the next day in daylight and get the answer.
What has actually been measured about it is sourced in the encyclopedia of sex facts.
More in the same direction
- Beginner · Twenty minutes
Say it out loud
Three sentences, said aloud, that otherwise never get said.
- Medium · One evening
The swap
You trade who does what, the whole way through.
- Advanced · Two hours, and fifteen minutes a month
Written down
Your agreements on paper, so they cannot be misremembered.
What you both want.
Twenty questions, answered separately. You see only what you both said yes to.
Take the questionnaireFor adults over 18 only. Intended for two adults in a consenting relationship.