The swap
You trade who does what, the whole way through.
Why it works
The pattern is what you do without choosing it, and it shows up best when it is reversed. The one who always leads feels how much work it is. The one who always follows feels how unfamiliar it is to decide. Both of those last longer than the evening.
How to do it
- 01
Agree on one pattern you always follow: who starts, who lies where, who sets the pace. Pick the one you do without thinking.
- 02
Reverse it for one evening. Whoever usually waits, begins. Whoever usually leads, follows.
- 03
Afterwards each name one thing that was easier than expected, and one thing that was strange.
What usually goes wrong
It feels clumsy, and many people read the clumsiness as a sign that it did not work. It is the same as writing with the wrong hand. Pick a pattern you actually have, not one you think you ought to have. A swap neither of you recognises gives you nothing to notice.
It is meant to feel clumsy. A pattern that has held for years does not let go in one evening, and it does not need to.
More in the same direction
- Beginner · Two hours
The long evening
An evening with nowhere to get to, bed included.
- Beginner · One week
Who starts
A week where it is settled who brings it up, and it is not whoever usually does.
- Beginner · One evening
Another room
The same thing somewhere else, and it is rarely only the place that changes.
What you both want.
Twenty questions, answered separately. You see only what you both said yes to.
Take the questionnaireFor adults over 18 only. Intended for two adults in a consenting relationship.