Who starts
A week where it is settled who brings it up, and it is not whoever usually does.
Why it works
In most couples it is the same person who asks, year after year. The one who always asks eventually stops, and the one who always answers never gets to miss anything. A week where it is settled in advance shows how much of the pattern is habit and how little of it is will.
How to do it
- 01
Pick three days in the coming week. One of you initiates on all three.
- 02
The other answers yes or no, and nothing else. No negotiating.
- 03
Swap the week after, and talk afterwards about what felt different.
What usually goes wrong
Whoever takes the initiative tends to do it the same way all three times, mostly because it is on a list. Pick three different moments, and one of them not in the evening. A no in the middle of the week is not a verdict on the whole attempt. The week is the attempt, not the single evening.
A no this week means nothing beyond itself. That is the entire point of agreeing it in advance.
More in the same direction
- Beginner · Two hours
The long evening
An evening with nowhere to get to, bed included.
- Beginner · Thirty minutes
Show me with your hand
You stop guessing. One of you shows, the other watches.
- Beginner · One working day
Three messages before six
The evening starts at eleven in the morning.
What you both want.
Twenty questions, answered separately. You see only what you both said yes to.
Take the questionnaireFor adults over 18 only. Intended for two adults in a consenting relationship.