The camera, with rules
You record something, and you settle what happens to the file before you make it.
Why it works
What makes a recording safe is decided before the camera is on, not afterwards. Three decisions are enough: where the file lives, who may delete it, and what happens to it if you separate. Taken in advance they are easy. Taken afterwards they are an argument.
How to do it
- 01
Settle three things before the camera is on: which device it lives on, who is allowed to delete it, and what happens to it if you ever split up. Say the answers out loud.
- 02
Use a camera or a phone that syncs to nothing. Turn the cloud off and check that it is off. A file that uploads itself is a file you do not have hold of.
- 03
Record one short thing, a couple of minutes, not an evening. Watch it together once, then do whatever you agreed in the first step.
What usually goes wrong
The cloud. A phone that syncs puts the file somewhere else within seconds, and that copy is the one you forget. Turn off syncing and check that it is off. Whoever is most visible has the last word on whether the file is kept, and doubt from one of you means delete.
Whoever is more recognisable in the picture has the most to lose and gets the last word on whether it is kept. If either of you would not want it to exist on a bad day, it should not exist.
More in the same direction
- Advanced · One evening, and a conversation the day before
Out among others
You go to one place where other people are part of it, and you touch nobody the first time.
- Beginner · Twenty minutes
Say it out loud
Three sentences, said aloud, that otherwise never get said.
- Medium · Half an hour
The agreement first
The half hour that makes the rest possible.
What you both want.
Twenty questions, answered separately. You see only what you both said yes to.
Take the questionnaireFor adults over 18 only. Intended for two adults in a consenting relationship.