The hours after
Not a scene. The part that comes afterwards, arranged before it begins.
Why it works
What decides whether a hard evening was a good one is rarely the evening. It is the days after. A fixed time two days later, whatever state you are both in, removes the question of who should get in touch first. That question weighs more than it looks.
How to do it
- 01
Before anything at all: settle who gets in touch, and when. Two days later, at a fixed time, by message, whether or not anybody feels the need. A check-in that only happens when somebody asks for it does not happen.
- 02
The evening itself ends the same way every time: warmth, quiet, food, and no assessment of how it went. A verdict on a scene delivered within the first hour is worth nothing.
- 03
Two days later, at the time you fixed, each say one plain sentence about how you are. Not about the scene. About how you are.
What usually goes wrong
Nobody gets in touch, because everything felt fine on Sunday. The dip arrives one or two days later and hits the one who led just as often. Keep the time. And say how you are, not how the scene was. Those are two different questions and only one of them helps.
The dip usually arrives twenty-four to forty-eight hours later, in whichever of you it lands on, often the one who led, who is the person nobody thinks to ask. It passes, and it passes faster when it is expected.
More in the same direction
- Medium · Half an hour
The agreement first
The half hour that makes the rest possible.
- BDSM · An hour and a half, thirty minutes of which is talking
The first scene
A short scene with everything around it in place.
- Hardcore · Two evenings, a week apart
What it costs
Not a scene. The way to find out what a thing takes before you do it.
What you both want.
Twenty questions, answered separately. You see only what you both said yes to.
Take the questionnaireFor adults over 18 only. Intended for two adults in a consenting relationship.