What it costs
Not a scene. The way to find out what a thing takes before you do it.
Why it works
There are things on a list that take more than one evening and good intentions. Two lists, one of what has to go right and one of what can go wrong, make the difference visible before anybody has promised anything. The week in between is there so neither of you answers on a Friday feeling.
How to do it
- 01
First evening: pick the one thing on your list that goes furthest. Write two lists, what has to go right for it to be good, and what has to go wrong for it to be bad. The second list is the one that matters.
- 02
The week in between: find out what the thing actually requires, from someone who knows, not from each other. A guide, a book, an experienced person. It is the one step that cannot be skipped.
- 03
Second evening: decide. Either a date and a plan, or a no that is not reopened. Both are a result.
What usually goes wrong
The step that gets skipped is always the middle one: finding out what the thing actually takes, from somebody who knows. Guessing at each other does not count. And a no as the outcome is not a failed attempt. It is the entire point of finding out in advance.
Some things on that list do not become safe by being agreed. A no from one of you is enough, and it needs no reason.
More in the same direction
- Medium · Half an hour
The agreement first
The half hour that makes the rest possible.
- BDSM · An hour and a half, thirty minutes of which is talking
The first scene
A short scene with everything around it in place.
- Medium · One hour
The blindfold hour
One of you sees nothing for an hour and does not have to guess what is coming.
What you both want.
Twenty questions, answered separately. You see only what you both said yes to.
Take the questionnaireFor adults over 18 only. Intended for two adults in a consenting relationship.